Every romantic relationship is special because every love is unique to you, your lover, and your experience together. Some relationships are chaotic, impulsive, and uncontrollable. Others, on the other hand, are carefully organized, structured, and meticulously balanced. But neither style defines the quality of your love. They simply give it a certain rhythm, an order of things.
How to Win Friends and Influence People
What defines the depth of your intimacy, however, is something a little bit more complex. Namely, the ability to listen. In this article, we’ll enlist the help of one of the most famous psychological salesmen, Dale Carnegie.
In his book How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), Carnegie mentions the value of listening as a process to create a comfortable psychological zone for both parties.
Although the author generalizes this concept, applying it to other, more neutral types of relationships, we can easily apply it to love relationships. The idea is that by listening to our partner, we communicate to them that they are important, with important ideas.
But beware, nodding with an absent look will not be useful to anyone. If you want the strategy to work, it is essential to deepen the dialogue, be part of it with reason and spirit and get involved when you feel that this could inspire your partner.
Undoubtedly, the best way to strengthen any relationship in an authentic manner is to make your conversation partner feel psychologically secure and at-ease. We don't do this through flattery, begging for appreciation, or sketching out unnatural behaviors. We do this with innocent curiosity. We also do this because we want to be there for our partners and friends. There’s a great reward to being part of their moral-spiritual experiences.
Listening unlocks so many more layers and depths within our loved ones. It’s why we must do it, even when we don't want to, even when we're tired, bored or angry. Making that effort is what makes our love so beautiful and true.