There are certain people that you have to watch out for. These people should not be in relationships, but you have to be able to see their red flags. Let’s look at the difference between healthy partners and unhealthy partners.
It's true, arguments are a natural part of life. It might not always be the loudest fight, but it can get heated and change the dynamic of the relationship. When it’s tense, we can misinterpret and make exaggerated conclusions.
But this is natural. Even couples who declare themselves happy encounter these tense situations with different opinions. But the rule is simple: after fighting, partners reconcile.
It's the key moment when you can figure out if it makes sense to keep building a relationship with someone or not. Reconciliation starts with one person extending the olive branch. This opens the door for healing and connection.
The other person, then, has two options: Accept the offer to rebuild or not. In the first case, when the partner accepts with all openness and empathy the desire to reconcile, it is very good.
This means that they are emotionally mature, aware that well-being in the relationship is more important than any conflict. They’re willing to compromise or accept this emotional balance. The relationship will get back on track.
But there is a toxic partner, one who accepts the reconciliation but with stipulations.
This person demands certain compensation to return to your relationship’s original state. This is emotionally dishonest and manipulative, which are huge red flags for concern. It sets one partner up to constantly beg for forgiveness and change parts of themselves to accommodate the other partner. The other partner, in a sense, can never be wrong.
If your partner isn’t looking to take some accountability, reflect meaningfully on their role in the argument, or make an effort themselves towards rebuilding the relationship, they’re probably not a great partner.
They might victimize themselves or even blame you for issues in the relationship. They might have a defensive behavior. They’ll try to gaslight you into believing that you were exaggerating, looking for problems in the relationship and that you need to work on yourself.
If you’re not in a relationship with this person yet, don’t start one. These mind games are not your responsibility to fix. They will only drag you down. You’ll be the third person in the relationship, in third place after the other person and their ego.
If you’re the one always extending the olive branch, trying to reconcile the relationship, give yourself a little bit of credit. You see that the relationship is made up of two people who both have to make an effort to get better. But for the partner who doesn’t make an effort? They’re not ready for a relationship, emotionally or mentally. They might be nice to hang out with, but they’re not a strong foundation for a relationship. Without empathy, awareness, or a willingness to consider change, they're not ready to be serious.