A lady once said to me, "If you want to have a lasting relationship and marriage, you have to endure it all. You’ll endure when they’re grumpy, when they cheat, when they humiliate you, when they don’t pay attention to you, when they’re cold to your advances and when they completely forget about you. Endure.”
I listened attentively, then replied, "I will love my future husband. I will love his flaws, since I know no one’s perfect. But I will never endure humiliation. I’ve learned the lesson. It’s not worth it."
She said, "I have endured. I have endured them all.”
"Did you love?" I asked her. Silence…
Some women’s biggest mistake is thinking that you have to endure humiliation, betrayal, or disappointment for your children’s sake, family’s sake, or to save face. They believe that you have to simply shut up and move forward.
Some people marry because they think it will be the key to happiness. Some marry because they think a kid and being legally bound to someone else will create a foundation for stability and long-term love. They think that this will motivate a man to change his attitude.
But the effect is the opposite. The man tries to get the woman to conform to his ideal even more, or leaves her alone with their child. In his world, there is only room for his desires, needs, and interests. Everyone else is a side character. Yet, some women still hope to change this man.
Ah, you are wrong my dear ones
You cannot force a man to stay with you or be good to you, neither by force nor by giving him a child. You cannot change a man who has become accustomed to demanding without offering anything. You cannot bring soul into indifference. That indifference will wear you down and drag you along into it.
And it’s ugly. It’s cold. Maybe this man was unloved as a child, or constantly rejected in adulthood. He wants revenge for this humiliation and degradation. He uses violence to prove points and justifies it by saying that it’s just how much he loves you, that he gets to a point of being an uncontrollable animal. Do not endure this.
Don't fall for this individual. Don't become addicted to his way of being toxic. When you no longer feel loved, leave. There is no point in suffering. If you give more than you get, leave.
Do not advance to a new stage, if you know that at this one there are too many signs of his ugly attitude. You don't have to endure, a successful marriage isn't about sitting on your hands, waiting for change. It's about acceptance, finding compromise and communication, but it is not about patience with toxic behavior.
Don't think about what people will say or what parents will say. It's your life. You know better what you deserve. No one has the right to judge you. Be happy!
